Maybe it's because i had an absolutely 1.5 hour skype conversation with Laura about the world and our ideas and goals today. Maybe it's because my cousin Frank and I and Andy had beautiful talks and shared our stories of our past experiences. Maybe because i read V for Vendetta in 3 days and my head is swimming with its message as I think also about Watchmen and what an amazing impact that had on my life as well. Who knows. All i know is that my head hasn't been this full and this confused since I was in Perú, and i need to write.
I think I am done writing about Perú. I know i had a few more bullet points on that list, and maybe one day i will get to it, but i don't like saying "today was monday. andy and i went to lima. we went to a museum. it was interesting." If you like reading that, you have picked the wrong girl's thoughts to read. I like writing about how i feel, what i have realized about myself and the world, what i have learned. I like saying things like "Out of all of our time in Lima, we only saw 10 people dressed in traditional peruvian quechua clothes. 2 of them were clearly hired by a restaurant to lure in tourists. 5 of them were either coming out of the airport or entering it. the other 4 were with people not dressed in peruvian clothes, but mondern clothes covered in english words."
But thats not why i am writing today. I am writing because of the words wanting to burst out of my head. The words that i don't know how to form right now, but will try with my terrible grammar and spelling.
What are we living for? What do we, as people in the united states, the wealthiest, most opportunistic, and most technologically advanced nation in the world, have to live for? There are many answers to this question. I'm pretty sure every person i know has a different answer. We live for our family, our friends, our passions wether it be a job or a hobby. there are so many things to live for! But really... think about it. WHAT is it that makes us GO, that makes us THINK and DO? What is that internal mechanism that makes us wake up and go everyday and LIVE. The answer to this is simple. Ourselves. I live for me and by me and you life for you and by you and she by herslef and him for himslef and it for itself. This quote from V for Vendetta describes what i am trying to describe
"How. How did i get here, to this stinking place: my job, my life, my conscious, my prison. The answer is here written on the floor for me to read, but i don't UNDERSTAND it. Why can't I? I look at this mad pattern but where are the answers? Who imprisioned me here, who keeps me here? Who can release me? Who's controlling and constraining my life, except........ Me?
Me.
I'm free."
There is also another part of the book that talks about values and principles. I am a person. I have beliefs and ideas that i live by, that i believe so strongly in that i would do anything for them. I am my own controler of my own dystany and if i can't live for what i believe in, what is the point of living? I'm not saying this to sound sad or depressiong or mean, but there are to may united statesians who live without drive, passion, and beliefs. They would sell out for money, power, or societal pressures in a second. Many people assume that we live in a time of democracy and free will, "Yay America!" When I came back from Perú one thing was clear, we DO have wars to fight. We are not and i don't think (sadly) there will ever be a time when we have no wars to fight. Just because there is more freedom in our lives now then ever before, it doesn't me that A)everyone is like us and B)there is no room for more freedom. We live in a society that is bound by consumerism and materials and WANTS not NEEDS. And if i want freedom from that, i get weird looks and judgments.
Right now, i have no idea where our life goes. If i close my eyes and look 5 years down the road... i see nothing but possibilities, nothing concrete. But i know i will ALWAYS stick to what i believe in, hold tight to my dreams, and live for myself. Just doing that will better the world in more ways than i will be able to see.
